Worst night .

It was the last night for me to spend my time with py as she is leaving soon . I was so effin tired , thanks to paranormal activity i couldn't sleep well for the previous night , yet i had to get up early for my driving lessons . I got a call from py of meeting her up , at least it cheered me up alil . We went for movie and straight to mamak for dinner .
Right after dinner , someone suggested to go Infi for games , actually it was py's idea for meeting J , the bf ? It was her last night , and i was thinking to help her by telling it was my idea . I know i've been going out lately especially at night so i promised mum to be back by 12 to keep her from getting worry , so i didn't mention bout the infi plan .
Auntie Annie accidentally told my mum , and she called , screaming at the other side what is wrong with me that i've been acting rebellious lately , so does dad . Its not something that will come out from his mouth , and for the first time of my life , i lost my dad's trust .

I'm effin moody when i got home , i might be a lil too over and , rude to my parents lately ..
Maybe that is the reason of them unwilling to send me to aus . Its all my fault after all .
My plan of convincing them went down to earth , and idk if i should try it again . I lost my confidence of able to convince my parents . When is the next time which im ready and confident enough to convince them ?
Mum , dad, millions, billions of words underneath my heart that i wish to spill them out , will both of u listen to me ?

and , i feel so sorry for ruining py's night . Sorry .

Confusion

Confusion got into me recently . It is the end of January , ly is leaving in few hours time , so does py on wednesday . i'm all alone by now . i'm confused , about colleges and everything that get into my mind . February is coming with a snap of fingers, and i'm still hanging , have not decided which school to enter . When everyone ask about college , i feel like avoiding with some reasons .
The reasons are financial and homesickness that i would be facing . Oh yeah i would really wana get into Trinity , after considering and much of thinking , i realised i can't be selfish right . Having a bro who is entering uni , i should really consider of going to australia for studies . Its not like my parents don't have the amount of money , it is just that i don't feel like seeing my dad working 24/7 non stop just to pay for our fees . He is getting weak day by day , i shouldn't be selfish just because of I wana get in Melbourne U . I know that they wouldn't mind paying , cuz they love me and they always do .

I'm really confused , should i be selfish and think about my future for once ?

no place to go .

Back to normal life.

those jungle lovers went hunting for their trees,
those so called 'students' were back to their school lifes,
those who were about to say 'ciaoz' are on their separate ways.
and those who are welcoming their entirely new lifes are preparing with bright smiles or perhaps sadness? on their faces .

and I have got nothing to do, literally nothing. SCREW MYSELF.
i should be applying for foundation, in fact i have not been doing it after my goddamn spm.
i should start to decide what am i planning to do or further in, in fact i still couldn't make up my mind . SCREW MYSELF AGAIN.

whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.

whichschool.whichschool.whichschool.whichschool.

whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.

wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.

screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.

DAMN !!

i'm like, no place to go . sobs .