S .

BOM BOM BOM !

2010-05-03T19:01:00.002+08:00

HEY ITS MAY !

time flies, and it passes extremely fast especially when u are busy with piles of works and stuffs.

5th week of being away from home, and I'm starting to get used to it, despite homesickness that sometimes arise during class.

Days have been busy, tons of assignments, tons of work that makes u feel like suffocating.

Dont worry, i still survive no matter what, lol.

Missing friends, missing home, missing food in ipoh is killing. I've not been back to ipoh for 2 weeks, so i'll definitely heading back this week, and try fohsan, cuz u can't find such tasty 'charsiewpau' in kl, and trust me, I MISS IT. Speaking of which, my classmates love char siew pau, i have no idea why.

urghh, essay outline tmr, guess i better start working on it now. Ill update my blog soon, i know, its so outdated. lol

A better family in my heart .

2010-05-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

Hello, I'm back.

Its been a while since i updated my blog. I've been busy with college stuff and enjoying as much as i can. Yeap, even though there are hectic schedules but still, I am enjoying myself with bunch of new friends and new environment.

Its Saturday, and again, family issues back in ipoh. I've been receiving calls from dad these few days, probably i am the only listener to him and being away from home, he has no choice but to call me several times a day? How i wish i could be back to comfort him. Love u always daddy.

Make it clear, my parents fought again, FOR A REASON WHICH I THINK IT IS NOT EVEN AN ISSUE.

People do have feelings don't they. When i saw my sister posted status saying she hates mum,dad and all, i was hurt, no doubt, i was sad.

Hating one another in a family, how pathetic it is.

2nd issue, do not accuse me when i did nothing. Stop accusing me brother. I know u love your gf like there is no tomorrow, but still, do not accuse me. Despite everything, i am still your sister, a biological one. You hurt me with ur words, ever since u had a gf. Do u still remember your sisters?

Sometimes i wish i could have a better family, a better, peaceful family.

I've tried my best to pace back everything, that's all i can do.

Orientation day .

2010-03-29T19:02:00.002+08:00

First day of college , it was fun and i get to know some friends.
CPU is fun i can tell, u will never regret choosing it cuz it is so so much fun. Challenging it is!
Met some friends on the orientation day, plenty for us to gawk at.

It stated that my class will be starting at 9.15 and ending at 5.45 everyday. Cool ! :P
What else. Hmm.

ANYWAY, class is starting tmr, can't wait !

woots woots, here i am .

2010-03-29T18:25:00.003+08:00

Here i am , back again. I was busy with packing & unpacking recently, ups and downs from kl to ipoh and from ipoh to genting, genting to ipoh & finally ipoh to the place which i am enjoying myself now- kl. :D

Okay, here are some updates for the past few days.

Went for a movie with gest on Thursday, watched daybreakers and it sent shivers down my nerves, it scared the crap out of me. Anyway thanks gest for the card u made and stuff u bought. *winks

thanks alot for the thought , friend. :p

Days passed quickly, and here comes Sunday. Met up with my girls at mern's stall, just for a brief gathering, guess i just missed them. Received a chocolate cake from my dear ning, guess what she baked it herself. Well u do know that i don't indulge in chocolate right? In fact, i HATE chocolate. LOL. Anyway that's not the main point, the thing is, I actually finished up half of the cake. Call me weirdo ? lol nahh it wasn't the taste of the cake, i was touched by her, my 11years bestie.

Guess i didn't drop my tears onto it ? :P

On my way to kl , here i am !!

mood.

2010-03-24T01:09:00.001+08:00

I MISS OUR GENTING TRIP ! ='(

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/album.php?aid=4658&id=100000778222251

pictures tell. Always the best memory in my heart.

I miss u, really do.

2010-03-19T01:45:00.003+08:00

Py, if u're reading this , i wanted to tell u that i really miss u.

It's 1.46a.m. and i suddenly thought bout u. I know that u've been busy with ur studies and life over melb, but i miss talking with u.

Viewed ur blog few minutes ago, realised that u are having a hard time. I kinda figured out what is going on deep inside ur heart, and i totally understand ur feelings right now. It is hard.However it is, i want u to be strong. I know that they lied to u, but keep this in mind that they are also the duo that love u the most in this world. Please be strong, that's all i want u to do right now. Bear in mind that despite the distance tween u &I , i still care much bout u.

How i wish u can call and spill everything out, cuz i really do, miss ur voice. Miss the weirdest laughter of urs, the crazy, pretty-looking that i wouldn't wana miss. I know that i might not be the closest one for u now cuz u are so far away from me, i want u to know that the bond tween us will always be there and shall never change even tho we talk much lesser nowadays.

I LOVE U, ALWAYS & ALWAYS .

Laugh like we never laugh before.

2010-03-19T00:04:00.004+08:00

Went education fair which held in syuen hotel this morning. Speaking of which, it took me by surprise that i met a bunch of friends there. It was so crowded. After being in there for about half an hour i guess, i couldn't bear the hotness and i sneaked out while my friends were trying hard to squeeze in. Thank god that i've done everything much more earlier than the others.

Had lunch in parade's kopitiam with my girls, sort of made it as a small farewell cuz yeexin is leaving for college this sunday,wouldn't get the chance to meet her after this. Well actually i do get a chance to, cuz she will be in INTI which is few blocks away from my school, no to be exact, it is RIGHT beside my school isn't it ?

After biding goodbye, the four of us ( Carmen , YinMei , Zning ) went to do some crazy shopping in Giant, yes we are not shopping for clothes, food it is. Guess what we did, we were trying on panties sold, laughing at the patterns we chose and the funniest thing was, carmen insisted to buy a seductive sleeping attire with bear on it, and it is red in colour ! Someone came out with this crazy idea that we are going to put on singlet and shorts in genting. The worst part is, we will have to have ice cream outside the hotel ! So we bought ourselves a singlet and a short, prepare to be freezed up the hill. Its a dare though, who wouldn't want a better dare ? LOL.

Just couldn't stop laughing for the whole day .

One thing that i found out bout my friends today. They are actually pretty adorable, adorable in the sense of humorous in a way. I enjoyed laughing at their stupidity and funny looks , guess I'll miss their dumb-looking faces soon. sobs. Also, i'll always miss our extraordinary shopping moments peeps.

FOOD, OH FOOD. We bought loads of loads of junk foods, drinks and cup noodles. yummy.
Couldn't wait till it is Sunday, and here we come, 5 maniacs are going to rock Genting and turn it upside down !

Such a long day !

2010-03-17T23:36:00.005+08:00

Woke up in the morning and made breakfast which i promised the night before. Made western-style breakfast for my family, whee.

Menu of the day :

*scrambled eggs ( used 8 eggs ! )

*ham

*bread with cheese on top

*tomato & apple

*dutchlady fresh milk

*cereal

LOL !

i know it sound so 'rojak' , healthy it is ! Let's see if they enjoy the meal.

Guess pictures tell us all , THEY LOVE IT !

Nothing else to do, so i bathed my dog and tied him outside.

......................................................................

Asked yinmei for a date, she was free & available to be mine today, luckily. Picked her up from oldtown area and went to jj. Bought TSHIRTS again. lol.

Had a great time with her, talked bout everything and discussed bout what should we do and bring for Genting Trip. Here comes our 1st successful trip, the one that we've been talking bout it since F4. FINALLY , its happening ! :)

Anyway, Camwhore sessions !

I have no idea why i do that, I just did. Eww its horrible to look at, but I love to do so.She was on the phone all the time ! hmmph.

Geston came. Poor thing he had no accompany for lunch, so i asked him to tag along in order to keep his loneliness away. See, i treat u well so u should be grateful ! lol I was just being kind. Well, he didn't talk much today, shy perhaps ? Don't be don't be . :)

Back to what we had discussed. I suggested to wear skirt for the first day of our trip, and yinmei suggested to put on our shades. Wait, i need shades then !

And i bought another water tumbler for college in parade, its pink and with ' HAPPINESS, the way is not in the SKY, the way is in the HEART' on it. Its pink with simple patterns on it so i bought without doubts. :)

Edu fair in syuen hotel tmr, my friends asked if i am going. Well no harm attending, since I've got nothing to do tomorrow. Right after the fair, we are going to do some shopping for the trip.

Hope it will be a blast !

Anyway i just wana post this, mood for the day - HAPPY. level - 10 ! lol.

Preparation .

2010-03-17T00:57:00.004+08:00

Woke up late again, it was already 11 when i was finally up from my bed. I got so wobbled this morning, due to the itchiness brought by my skin the night before, i barely sleep. For god's sake, i wasn't in a proper slumber, waking up every single hour - 2a.m. , 3a.m. , 4 a.m. , 5 a.m. ,6a.m, 7a.m. was killing. However, i sounded asleep after that, thank god.

Hmm, waking up late is actually a waste of time. U can actually do a plenty of stuff in the morning. PLENTY.

Went for some shopping with mum yest, some new tshirts and shorts for college, that's a must cause i'm sort of run out of proper attire, mum declared that i have to wear proper clothes during school days so she bought me only tshirts. sobs. Here. :(

Did some banking too, withdrew 1k and transferred into another account which i'll be using as living expenses in kl for the first month. Mum added 1k in it as she said its for my 7As that i got. Hmm, 7As is nothing to me mum..
Bought a pair of shoe with my own $ . =)

LOL.

Bought a tshirt with the phrase, 'KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.'

i like it, it meant so much for students like us.

just a random shot. grandma ! she is 92, believe me .

...................................................................

Was talking to weichien through msn a while ago. Telling her bout the changing of courses, talking bout CPU. She was right, isn't it true that we should have faith in the courses u chose instead of having doubts in mind ? Once u decided , u should try to love it, in the matter of fact, u choose the courses u like , love instead of some courses that u are doubting, wondering that it might be ur wrong choice since not much people is taking it ? hmm. We choose and decide our own pathway aren't we ?

Anyway CPU can be described by one word - Hectic. its time to face the music !

Promised to sleep early every night, and i break the promise almost everyday. -.-

LOLLI 2. screaaamm !!

2010-03-14T22:50:00.006+08:00

BIG BANG 2010. FINALLY, their brand new lollipop 2, song for their CF of cyon.

I just can't stop replaying , my mouth will go, ''GIRL,U'RE MY LOLLIPOP OH GIRL ! '' everytime it got tuned. It goes woah !

THEY ARE SIZZLING HOT !

TOP

YB,THE HOTTEST FOR ME.

GD.

DS.

SR.

That would be so great if Malaysia is selling cyon. GREAT .

way to go BB you guys are the best among all !

But Cinderella you're a Lollidella whos put on L.E.D slippers.

Girl u're my lollipop oh girl u're my lolli lolli.

just love the way they vow it :)

Its been a while.

2010-03-13T23:11:00.003+08:00

I guess i have not been blogging for the past 2 months right ? So here i am.
Just got my spm results 2days ago. Disappointment is all i can describe bout it, not to mention much, i am just disappointed with my results. 7As is not enough for me.

So what's next ? College. The next walk of your life is beginning. That is what really matters to me right now, after putting spm results off my mind. I've enrolled Taylor's and starting my courses on the 29th. SOON- that's all i wanted to say, way too fast. 2 weeks after I'll be a big girl entering college, picking up the responsibility in taking care of myself . hmph.

Recalling the days after spm, i wished to enter college as soon as i can, can't wait for the new environment, new school, new place out from home, new people, new friends. Everything is just about NEW , NEW & NEW. I was yelling, : ''A NEW FRESH LIFE AWAITING ! HOOORAAY !''.
But right now, i have this 2nd thought of mind and feeling that I don't wanna go.
I'll be missing everything , everything in IPOH. Now that i realised how wonderful, great , memorable this smalltown that i'm living is , how much i want to stay .

I'll definitely miss you, IPOH .

Worst night .

2010-01-27T02:17:00.003+08:00

It was the last night for me to spend my time with py as she is leaving soon . I was so effin tired , thanks to paranormal activity i couldn't sleep well for the previous night , yet i had to get up early for my driving lessons . I got a call from py of meeting her up , at least it cheered me up alil . We went for movie and straight to mamak for dinner .
Right after dinner , someone suggested to go Infi for games , actually it was py's idea for meeting J , the bf ? It was her last night , and i was thinking to help her by telling it was my idea . I know i've been going out lately especially at night so i promised mum to be back by 12 to keep her from getting worry , so i didn't mention bout the infi plan .
Auntie Annie accidentally told my mum , and she called , screaming at the other side what is wrong with me that i've been acting rebellious lately , so does dad . Its not something that will come out from his mouth , and for the first time of my life , i lost my dad's trust .

I'm effin moody when i got home , i might be a lil too over and , rude to my parents lately ..
Maybe that is the reason of them unwilling to send me to aus . Its all my fault after all .
My plan of convincing them went down to earth , and idk if i should try it again . I lost my confidence of able to convince my parents . When is the next time which im ready and confident enough to convince them ?
Mum , dad, millions, billions of words underneath my heart that i wish to spill them out , will both of u listen to me ?

and , i feel so sorry for ruining py's night . Sorry .

Confusion

2010-01-26T01:45:00.003+08:00

Confusion got into me recently . It is the end of January , ly is leaving in few hours time , so does py on wednesday . i'm all alone by now . i'm confused , about colleges and everything that get into my mind . February is coming with a snap of fingers, and i'm still hanging , have not decided which school to enter . When everyone ask about college , i feel like avoiding with some reasons .
The reasons are financial and homesickness that i would be facing . Oh yeah i would really wana get into Trinity , after considering and much of thinking , i realised i can't be selfish right . Having a bro who is entering uni , i should really consider of going to australia for studies . Its not like my parents don't have the amount of money , it is just that i don't feel like seeing my dad working 24/7 non stop just to pay for our fees . He is getting weak day by day , i shouldn't be selfish just because of I wana get in Melbourne U . I know that they wouldn't mind paying , cuz they love me and they always do .

I'm really confused , should i be selfish and think about my future for once ?

no place to go .

2010-01-06T18:17:00.004+08:00

Back to normal life.

those jungle lovers went hunting for their trees,
those so called 'students' were back to their school lifes,
those who were about to say 'ciaoz' are on their separate ways.
and those who are welcoming their entirely new lifes are preparing with bright smiles or perhaps sadness? on their faces .

and I have got nothing to do, literally nothing. SCREW MYSELF.
i should be applying for foundation, in fact i have not been doing it after my goddamn spm.
i should start to decide what am i planning to do or further in, in fact i still couldn't make up my mind . SCREW MYSELF AGAIN.

whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.whattodo.

whichschool.whichschool.whichschool.whichschool.

whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.whattostudy.

wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.wheretogo.

screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.screwyou.

DAMN !!

i'm like, no place to go . sobs .

Slumber party .

2009-12-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

I nearly got 'raped' by someone. urgh . By someone . urghhh im so sick recalling .

well,drinking session was fun with gals.
Of cuz, gossiping and telling secrets were much more fun . I had fun at ly's house. YAY!

Mum is gona screw me for not being there for dinner, 4 days in a row. sorry mum, promise to spend my time with family after this. =)

Forever u my gal, forever u my world .

2009-12-27T01:26:00.004+08:00

Tae's make love ft kush .
well,i've been playing it lk so so so many times.

and yea i'm back from Korea!!

gimchi is life, kimchi is Korea. lol

Korea was a blast, and yay i bought youngbae's album. LIKE FINALLY? LOL

anyway, i enjoyed the trip so so so much,wish to head back once again. I'm so gona go back to seoul . =))

YoungBae .

2009-12-13T15:49:00.009+08:00

Taeyang .

hot

sexy

cute
mohawk hair
everything man.
look at his abs.
his smile is the best
he has the tendency to melt girl's heart wey
gosh, he is unbearable.

I'm melting , lol .

the smile the smile !

he do resemble someone to me .
well. he won't know i think .

Schedule . LOL HELLO ?

2009-12-13T03:19:00.003+08:00

Ok so i'm planning in order to remind myself what is happening for the coming days. I'm such a blurer so forgive me, schedules are so much a helping hand to me . HAHA .

Monday - chinese paper. yea chinese ..
marketing, lol see, someone is doing it for the sake of bbq party .
Hang out with friends at night ?

Tuesday - Pack stuffs. oh driving lesson from 1 to 4. i totally ignore the part.
Prepare prepare.
And here comes BBQ PARTY!!!

Wednesday - Oh yes, the day , the day!!

Wake up in the morning for class party, lol first time in my life tht attend a party tht held in the morning .

so home, prepare and AIRPORT! flight is at 10 night. 2 hours before. yea guess its around the time .lol

Thursday to the next Thursday - Korea kissing snow !

wait , 24th, its Xmas eve . No plans at all. Hmmm ,

24th - KL ? IPOH ?

lol, i know its stupid , but I'm having fun listing it, so yeah the so called schedule .

2012 moment .

2009-12-13T02:45:00.003+08:00

Just came home from penang as we went there for some foods and beach, lol yea just for the foods and beaches , and we drove all the way down to Penang. It was a blast though.

So, just came home round 5 something . And promised mum that we will watch 2012 together as exam was over. Marked our promises, so yeah we watched for the midnight show. Well, sis and bro were watching for the 2937330e23948043754728947 times, so caught them fell asleep during the movie.

The movie was never a regret for me, as it was amazing ! i'm amused and amazed by the show.
Yea so 3 years later, we all gona die ? lol such a STUPID questions. The movie is touching, civilisations and human being's selfishness which we can't bear sometimes . Even though you're the only species to the new world, its still useless as the selfishness is passed down to ur roots of ur family, eventually human is famous for nothing but ugly humanisation.

.................................................

i couldn't sleep, so i've decided to go online,check fb and get some updates. And bravo to me, i just delete twitter's application from fb ! lol . Actually twitter is kinda fun, but once u update, it will automatically show up in ur fb, so kinda irritating for the others so i decided to delete, and yea i did it!!
2nd thing tht i did was, packed belongings for Korea trip, man i couldn't wait no more. Can i skip Sunday and Monday, so i could wake up and fly to Korea ?? -.-

EMERGENCY !!!!

2009-12-11T02:00:00.002+08:00

WAIYEE, AMY, CARMEN, YINMEI, YANG, YEEXIN !!

I'm trying to reach out for u guys, i'm blowing up all of your phones!!
PLEASE REPLY TEXTs, we have to discuss whos turn, for marketing ! lol u knw we need foods for BBQ don't we. pls dont m.i.a at this moment weyyyy !!

QUICK QUICK. !

MY DECEMBER BABY .

2009-12-11T01:26:00.003+08:00

FINALLY , I'M UPDATING UPDATING! lol. yea spm just over, even though chinese paper is still hanging , think i can handle it.

wait a minute, its DECEMBER. time flies, i mean it does fly! its been a month, recalling the first day and the first paper for spm, wooopppsss, we've came to such a long way don't we. HAHA.

Anyway, straight to the gist of the blog. MY DECEMBER BABY !!! - TAN ZI NING
her birthday is coming soon, yea i mean real soon. 17.12. and sadly, i won't be around to be there for her. i wish i could stay for the sake of my best fren. cuz I've been missing her birthday for years, this year is not exempted. :((

So, I've decided to throw a small bash to this December baby,lol . cracking my head to do something meaningful and unforgettable since its the last year for us to gather around. Oh yea, so BBQ for the sake of u, at my house. hope others can make it. shh, i was planning to bake cupcakes, even though its the first time of baking, and i know she will love it. its worth it though, right ??

Hope i can make it cuz I've been busy taking driving lessons and buying stuff before leaving. Ill try my best for you & I , the perfect match of 10 years besties! LOL . I LOVE U ALWAYS.

17/12/1992. THAT'S U, DECEMBER BABY ,THE DEAREST. :)

111009.

2009-10-12T22:09:00.013+08:00

This will be the longest post for the day.

Today will be the end of my all along sadness. I am going to tell myself, everything is about to come to an end. And here is it, 111009 is the day.

I've decided, what should i do. I know all along there is only one solution for me to take-to forget and to move on. But I'm not doing it, instead, i am trying to convince myself that everything will change as long i do something. After what I've seen and heard, i think i should really take this move, make this decision.

*To someone I loved.

I understand that, I am not an expert in love thingy. I won't neither say you are. We both learned from the mistakes we've made, and make it better. For now, I learned.

I loved you, and i remember ur forever & always. But everytime i will just let u down, gave u sadness, made u tears instead tears of joy, the ego underneath was strong enough, strong enough to let u sweep ur broken pieces of heart on the floor. They were uncountable, how much i have hurt u. I said something hurtful, like fuck,asshole,bitch to u, and i wanted to say, I mean nothing for those words. swear. i'm sorry. everynight i thought about u, i thought bout the sweet memories u gave to me, but not from me..

everynight i would asked and questioned myself, how many chances have u wasted? how stupid can u be?

i figured every possibilities, this and that, to make up and grab back the chances , and i will prayed for ur forgiveness, being hardneck-ed not listening to the others to forget u, checking up what u up to, opening ur fb on and off , seeing ur pics again and again, hugging the soft toy u gave and cried every night, which on the other side of u already stop doing these silly thing, meantime the anger on me from u is growing.

i wanted to pace back of what i have done to hurt u, just they won't changed any ending. i believed in happy ending and love story, but not in us ..

i never gave u any gifts or presents, in turn u gave tons of them. I made u hate me for now, but i can't do anything to stop that cause its too late. i made u numb, I'm sorry.

I've been scolding u for so many times and u still endured my killing attitude, but i didn't learn to appreciate,I'm sorry.

I've been wasting every money that shouldn't be wasted by u, and i made u suffer from hunger and thirst.. i am sorry .. this was what i cannot let myself off ..

i hurt u, im sorry ..

u came and u go, and i lost u by now.

Everything was just too late, cause I've killed ur heart tremendously, which i can't do anything to heal the wounds. I'm sorry, and i know despite how many times i say sorry, it won't heal right? ..

I've been thinking for the whole night,and i decided to put down all these things. For the best of u and me. I knew u've already did that, it was just me who left myself hanging over, but it was ok I'm not blaming u as that is my decision to make, Don't blame anyone too. i cry for u, cry for everything i made,done while I'm recalling to post this,but tears will eventually dry up..

I will always remember, u were the one i hurt the most, the one i regretted the most, the one i would love to spend my time with and, the one i loved the most. for the sake of love, i will give up, that is the way of my love to u ..

Last but not least, sorry and sorry.

we will still be friends right, i hope to seriously.

Thanks to my friends and family that have been holding me when i was falling apart,esp waiyee. thanks for what u've told me today. loves:

事实往往让人心碎，

但却往往让人清醒，

当你接受事实后，你已经没当初那么心疼。

当你选择释怀时，你会发现熬过的疼痛已过了，

当初的心疼不是别人给你的，只是自己想不通。

所以答应自己要快乐，也要谢谢他让你长大了。

慢慢的，你会发现自己已放下一直以来放不下的，

曾经拥有也未尝不是一件好事，至少它俄的出现就是为了让自己学会珍惜。

所以，你要证明自己长大了，他的出现没白费，或许将来的日子他或其他看不见，但没关系，

也别认为证明给他看，让他回来，

自己知道就好，那就够了..

人要向前走，时间仍然一直流，

有的挫折还很多，有的泪水更多，伤害的更深更远，

抹了眼泪站起来，来面对将有的人身经验.

this will be the last time to cry, so cry everything out.

stop seeing things related,blog and checking on what he is up to. u have to move on, don't let urself hanging there , really ..

san , after today, u really have to stand up and wipe off all the tears u have shed which were never worthless, cause they made u grow and learn something..

remember, what was fated it is fated.

After crying, u have to stop being little girl tomorrow.

Stand up and be stronger, tomorrow will be the starting of ur new life..

look around, they are so many hands waving at u, they are ur friends and family. Don't make them cry because of u, stop being selfish..

san,grow and stop crying, u can do it, im waiting for a brand new you..

VERY MUCH APPRECIATED PEOPLE.

A big thank you to my sister who scolded me for so many times, to my brother who always be by my side even he is busy, to my mum & dad who always love me, to sou shirley the sweetest,to WAIYEE the one that made me cry for the last time, to memebers of sulphur 8 that let me learn the value of friendship, yeevoon who has been supporting me all along, to carmen my forever good sister and listener, to khai lai,aaron, py & dav that gave me fun to forget everything , KC for giving good advices and the others. You guys never leave me for once, thanks for everything. ILY. hearts.

end with s.

Birthday surprises.

2009-10-12T22:04:00.002+08:00

I got 2 birthday surprises in a row.

Thanks to my lovely sister, she is the planner. thanks for giving me such memorable surprises.

Love u to death.

I got so much to blog especially pics. Will update soon. :)

Busy days.

2009-10-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

Im giving myself a break. So here I am, the spot where i can throw everything on. :)

I am so busy these days, trying to work hard for the sake of studying and trying to do as much exercises as i can. After chem tuition today, I heard tht spm grades have changed. Instead of A1, A2 .. the list goes on, they have changed it to A+, A , A- ... . I think this is something good for me, cz it looks nicer in certs or anything. lol.

I am trying to work harder nowadays, piles of works to do. Never ending studies are killing me and i am not getting enough of slumber. I fell asleep in my toilet while brushing teeth this morning, imagine. xDD
I realised that, sometimes being busy is a good way of keeping urself away from thinking too much. I did it! haha. All i could think of is spm right now. Im gona score , score score and score !!

Finally,to someone i care and concern the most.

U are my best friend, always is. I might not know u for long but im glad to hv a friend lk u. Thnks for being by my side when i was going through the hardest time of my life. U helped me and lended me ur shoulder whenever i feel lk crying. I have to say, u are the greatest person i've ver met.
Do not think tht im as cheerful, happy and dumb as u thought. I am not. I know what is going on around me. But, Im sorry to say tht i am nt ready for anything or talk bout any stuff right now, cz u knw i just walked out from the darkness of my life. Please und i hv no intention to hurt u, u will always be my best friend ill always share my things with. You are always the best ! :)

Stories underneath.

2009-10-06T01:34:00.003+08:00

After counting, i got not much time left till spm. Results for trials, please don't ask ppl, cz i dun wana rmb,so stop asking ok? Im gonna work hard.!
Meanwhile, what to study have been bugging me. I still can't decide what to take after graduating. I was thinking business but everyone wa lk underestimating me. They feel that i wont be able to stay long in this field. Cz upon my looks, they will take advantages on me more thn i do to them. -.- Thank you for informing anyway. I don't feel lk takng science subjects as im a lil fed up with them right now. I might have the brain to take them, but i've got no interest. Urgh i need some time for these.

I was thinking to further studies oversea suddenly. I would hv say no once dad ask. But i didnt reject or oppose for nw, cz i changed my mind and wanted to leave this place right away. If u were to ask me at the beginning of the year, i will gv u an aswer full of confidence tht i dont wana leave my hometown. For nw, I will surely say yes! I don'y knw, i just wanted to leave this place right nw and give myself a break maybe?
So i am searching for oversea courses, but there arent much to choose, common one-aussie. Awww look further. First thing first, WORK HARD AND GET GOOD RESULTS. tht is the most important thing tht motivates me nowadays. lol
I want to fly away badly. cz nothing much for me to stay over here despite those saddening stuff.
i may miss my friends but i wish to knw more.

i wana fly away badly. =/

..........

Anyway, py left today. Everything is sort of back to track. i miss hanging with ccbs. Time to be back in those days, those days of being alone. sobs. i wana talk to them for 24/7 through internet, phones but im gona say bye to lappie. Got to stop surfing net and be bookworm. IMY guys. Never ending smile gona stop disappear for sometime.

AND I WAS PLAYING THIS SONG, WHAT U SAY BY LOON for lk dont knw how many times. Makes me feel more down. -.- its nice though, gona put it in my blog soon.

This song gona be my lullaby for sometime.

P/S. ccbs, try to stop smoking. im serious. u knw who am i indicating.

Sweethearts in kl .

2009-10-06T01:06:00.005+08:00

Kl for family dinner. Baby girl's 1 year old birthday. Cam whore alot :DDD.
Guess pictures tell it all. So yea. :)

cupcakes. They are nice and cute. xDD

THE MAN AND THE CHILD. -.-

I love u , would u be by my side and take me fly lk u?

Grandma IMY.

SWEETHEARTS IN KL.

its the latest trend of birthday cake, cupcakes! i love it and i wish someone could give me something lk this on my bday. lol anyway its okay, i dun feel lk celebrating either. I dont know, myabe too many stuffs happened this year. I've got the feeling, It is the worst year for me. Turning 17 might be fun as i get to take my license and drive, finishing high skul and etc. But im nt feeling any of it. =/ Btw i dont think anyone will remember too as they will be busy with college, exams, work or even dancing? haha aniway its ok, we get to celebrate every year,eventually it would be the same after all. ;D

Blessing .

2009-10-06T00:23:00.003+08:00

Im learning to go church recently. Still rmb those days which i totally oppose the idea of going church, and yea im learning to make myself closer to god. Going church is a very new task for me,not to mention task but something very new as im nt a christian. Well, it started off with boredom and it was hard to bear, after some time i found out services gives me lessons , showing steps to work it out in life. Life is hard and it is harder b4, but im learning to accept the fact and sharing every problems. Everything changes, u won't knw so do i.

.........

emo day. Cause im not happy,seeing my dad overwhelmed by problems tht couldn't solve. He is having a hard time recently, hard time in dealing with people around him. He was upset with the attitudes, characters of people he used to treat them good. He was asking me, san did i do anything wrong in my life tht i hv to deal with these ppl? They are driving me nuts. Im so overwhelmed, nt knowing wht to do. I left no one tht is truly sincere to me and life would be nothing without 3 of u. My tears welled up in my eyes, but im trying to be strong in front of him cz i knw breaking down will only make things worst.

Papa, looking at ur face i hv to pretend and im sorry. Looking at ur face, i can do nothing cz to u im jz a 17 year old gal who is 24/7 happy living in a stress less life. U always say i got no stress even in my studies, the truth of my never ending smile isn't the way u thought it is.

I am sad, i can do nothing for u papa. The only thing i am capable to help u is, to pray hard for u every night. Hoping u to get the peace and deter urself from the problems u are facing. We will always be by ur side, no matter wht happen in our life, u are still the great successful papa in our eyes which will not change. That will be the blessing i'll always give to u.

P.S. I LOVE U TO THE END OF MY LIFE, PAPA.YOU ARE THE MAN.

Stress invaders.

2009-09-30T16:29:00.004+08:00

School has started. And results of trials were out. Partly, not all of it.
I'm feeling stressful recently. Like shyt. Looking at those papers, i kept asking,how could i be that stupid? how could i be that careless? how could i act so foolish?
I was kinda taken aback when i get my results. Cause i rmb i knew those questions, i knew every single answers, and how on earth i can get such terrible, ugly-looking results? I DID STUDY, I DID CONCENTRATE, I DID EVERYTHING . I WAS BEING A GOOD STUDENT IN SCHOOL. i have no disciplinary problems, but why am i so dumb? Way soo dumb. Looking at my friends who get good marks in their test, I cant stop myself from hiding away from them, cause i feel like i doesn't belong to them. They have the brain and i have got nothing. No matter how hard i study, i still get such results, so what's the point ?

Can't stand or bear anymore. I wanted to give up. Stress invaders are coming towards my side. I'm helpless. How could i outwit them? I left not much time. 6 weeks more to go. Is tht possible i don't knw, all i can clarify is, I'm tired overwhelmed by all those things spinning in my mind-spm,results,courses,schools to enter, field to take,heartbreaking issues. I'm beyond outta control, cz numbness has made me stun, glaring and doing nothing upon my conditions. Sinned.

Wht's the point of dropping tears? There won't be any solutions, stop being such a kid. U won't get yourself a lollipop. How i wish i could talk to the one i wanna spill,share everything with.
No hopes, no signs girl. Bboy swagger got married to dancing...Cut the part , fool . ok ?

I'm outta my way. What should i do.

B.E.P concert

2009-09-27T03:09:00.009+08:00

BEP concert was damn awesome, awesome and awesome. First time to concert,and bep's was fun!

camwhoring :)

in the car. Pity for the sohais fighting over bread.lol

Even though we got some problems before concert like transportation problem and dav was having heavy headache, we still manage to have fun in the concert cause its BEP !

THANKS TO BEP :)

Kenneth short form as Gai was fetching us around. Being a driver isn't easy and i understand. Thank you so much! =) Our poser mum, ANGELYNE was posing for the whole night. Spotlight and cameras love her right, so she was posing from the start till the end. Keep it up mum!

look at the crowd.

poser !

While waiting for BEP.

The concert was super super cool. I think we lost weight like mum said cause we were sweating like mad cow. It was packed and full with people but still, looking at the screen is much more better than squeezing in the crowd. :)end of it.

Concert ended at 12 something so we walked to station 1 cafe which is not too far from sunway. Didn't take much for my camera. Others are in Dav's.

i like this. look hot.

.................................

The next morning we nearly miss our train back to ipoh. We were supposedly to be at KL central before 1 and guess what. We left subang area to kl central at 1235 by cab. Once got down from the car, we never stop running, searching for the 1 o clock train. It was sooo sooo exhausted chasing after train. Luckily, we managed to catch up even though i don't feel like catching up cause i wanna stay longer in kl. -.-

Here are some pics. We look like shyt.

Even though the trip was short , we still had fun. XD

Growing up .

2009-09-25T01:31:00.000+08:00

After every matter that i faced, encountered, finally i realised Im growing up.
Someone is right that i actually get benefits during this period of time and now i understand what does that mean. Looking back at the days, can't believe im actually standing straight right now,erm slightly slanting too.

I was helping mum with house chores today. I did not realised and found out that mum actually look older and older. Her face reflects how big am I, how hard she had raised me for 16+ years. Her daughter is 16 years old plus and turning 17 in few weeks time. Yet she has to worry and make sure im getting along and doing fine in studies, friendship or relationship. LOL mum not to worry, i'm learning to handle myself right now.
I love u mum.

Yes there are so many things overwhelming me and sometimes i feel like crying. I had done so many stupid things that i could not imagine in my entire life. I was once failed in relationship. And tht is the biggest obstacle in my path of moving on to a better life. Give me a F like others do. I deserve so serve me right. Admitting that I used to deny every mistakes, I've actually hurt others feelings. I'm so so so poor in handling these stuff. haha yea thats me. I have no idea.=/
I am trying my best to change. Give me time babe. Maybe i should change my title to changesan instead of changeline. lol dumbness.
Undergo growing process or puberty? HAHA whatever.

so ending is about how the way u change it and everything will be under control. =)

Rehab centre.

2009-09-24T03:24:00.000+08:00

Rehab rehab rehab.

Addicted to drugs, there is always rehab centre. They cure and change u in it, making u a better life and live a better way. What about love addictive? Is there any rehab centre for such stupid thing? Well, finally there is! CCBs are the centre.

Recently i realised that every single person in ccbs has got problems in their own ways. We came from different predicaments and circumstances. We are so different in every ways. Cause we have different feelings, different way of thinking and different way of speaking. BUT, there is something which i found out that can stick us together. Its the way we comfort another. No matter how big is the circle, we still stick to each other cause ccbs always there for one another.

Every single members do look like pain killers and they are the strongest to kill the pain underneath.

So bitches and bastard, remember and get ur pain killers from ccbs rehab centre. =)

p/s. ILY GUYS FOREVER. <3

.........................

DAV and aaron are leaving to kl in few more hours. Take care and ill meet u guys right away. :)

Stupidity.

2009-09-24T02:53:00.001+08:00

Stuck staying at home, i get to see cpy today. Main thing is to burn fats as both us knew that something isn't right. We are gaining weight! Ur right holidays but still, FIGURE is way more important than anything in this world, so we decided to do some jogging and basketball games in order to burn fats.
Basketball isn't that easy as we thought it is. The most irony part is, there are two gals in the basketball court, no i mean two football players to be exact. Hey it took us half an hour just to figure out such cute outfits! Basketball is hard, at least we won for great outfits don't we?

p/s. someone is being a barney

it is always good for us to act like fools, cause foolish is always better than pretending.

...........................

220909

2009-09-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

Another day. holidays yet nothing much i can do.
IPOH is always a small town which famous for 2 spots, JJ or parade. Home is always a better choice afterall.

-go online
-sleep as much as i can before school reopen
-oh and! BEP tickets! where the hell is aaron!

Here is the thing, ccbs wanted to go down for BEP concert. wait is there any available tickets? aaron where the hell is the tickets? lol.

angel jx and kc might be joining us. well it might be another fun night. first of all, aaron please get us the tickets. AARON!! =)

Dav and aaron are going down this thurs. too bad that i have something else to do and can only go down for BEP concert on friday. =/ Ill get my ass to kl right after friday's exam guys!

In the midst of anxiety man !

210909

2009-09-23T02:10:00.000+08:00

Its kbox night by khailai.

Being a listener, i actually enjoy listening to dav's vocal, she is great and i love her voice.

Dav, when is ur next competition ? LOL sorry .

ROOM32 and finally im there. well i was late as i had to join dinner with family.

oh my i love these!

there is always a comfort in my heart when i see them. :)

ILY GUYS! <3

khailai sent me home as i got no transport. we had a lil talk. btw,thanks for the hangover kl. ill remember what u told me whenever. :)

the hangover.

180909

2009-09-23T01:51:00.000+08:00

Its friday. Meanwhile, one day after 3 weeks trials.

FINALLY, IM BREATHING.

lol 3 weeks exam was too much so i decided to throw a 'happy holiday' bash? anything just anything. as long we get to gain enormous fun.

A mini bash. CCBs to be counted for sure!

Here we go.

ps. My bitch is back as in from somewhere far.cpy!

All i can recall is, they were super crazy that night.

missing in pics - stezon , khailai, bo , jx, ping

CCBs forever!

New post.

2009-09-23T01:37:00.000+08:00

First post again?

Its been a while since i blog.

well, hey guys. once again.

the name as usual, voontsusan , 17 student.

live, grow and shyt in ipoh , small town of Perak which famous for something i guess? :)

stick to me.